by Cina Hoey | Mar 13, 2017 | Blog
“…meditation, properly performed, prepares you to meet the ups and downs of existence. It reduces your tension, fear, and worry. Restlessness recedes and passion moderates. Things begin to fall into place, and your life becomes a glide instead of a struggle.”
– Bhante Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English
People often tell me that they would love to start meditating, but are not quite sure how to begin. There was a great article in the New York Times recently on developing a meditation practice, but I will give you a brief overview of mindfulness meditation here if it is new to you.
I want to begin by clearing up the most common misconception – that you have to completely clear your mind and get rid of all thoughts in order to meditate properly. This could not be further from the truth. Even Buddhist monks would agree that this is simply not possible. What makes us a unique species is our capacity for intelligence, emotion, and thought. Our brains are working constantly, which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we are at the top of the food chain, we make new advancements daily, and we continue to evolve, change, and grow. A curse because when we sit down to meditate, our minds don’t shut up!
No worries. Release any expectations you may have. You are about to learn how to let it go and let it be in just a few very simple steps:
Pick a place where you will not be disturbed
Eliminate as many distractions as possible – put your phone on silent, turn off the TV, and if you have a cat (or other pet) that loves to sneak up on you and bite your toes like mine does, you may want to make sure they are not in the room!
Get comfortable
I recommend sitting up straight with folded legs, but any seated posture will do – try to sit upright without leaning back on the seat of the chair or wall behind you – this will help you to stay awake and alert
Try to get in a position that you feel you can sit in for a little while without having to move (discomfort and pain will hinder your concentration)
You may want to invest in a meditation cushion, however any time I find myself cushionless (traveling, at someone elses home, etc.) I usually just snag a cushion off of a couch or chair and put it on the floor. Sitting in a chair is absolutely fine if sitting on the floor is unrealistic for you physically
Pay attention to your breath
Take a few deep breaths and then just begin to breathe naturally
Notice the air going in and out of your body. Notice all sensations associated with breathing. Do not try to control your breath in any way – just notice it – in your chest, belly, throat, nose, etc. Stay with those sensations for as long as you can
Notice what takes your attention away
Distractions are inevitable – just notice the essence of it, any sensation, thought, feeling – and see whether or not you can let it pass easily, like clouds in the sky or leaves on a stream. No judging. Just watching.
Bring your awareness back to the breath
Repeat!
This is it. Breath, distraction, breath, distraction. Meditation, much like the rest of our lives, is the simple act of starting over time and time again. We slip up, get distracted from the moment, and we need to find our footing again. Challenge yourself to do this daily for however long you can. Even one minute a day can be beneficial if that is all you can manage.
Your mind will come up with all sorts of things to distract you – shopping lists, hunger, fantasies, obligations, memories, and so on. Do not be alarmed, we are blessed to have such active imaginations. Every distraction is an opportunity to wake up. To come back. To begin again. Just keep bringing the attention back to the breath. I will talk more about how to handle distractions in a later post.
This is a very brief and basic overview of breath meditation. There are many different ways to meditate, different objects to focus on, this is only one. Find what works for you and fit it in when you can. Remember, the length of the meditation is not your main concern – even one minute is better than no minutes!
Good Luck!
by Cina Hoey | Mar 6, 2017 | Blog
I was raised to be “tough.” My Irish/Italian, New York upbringing lead me to develop a decent amount of attitude and a smart mouth. My big brothers made sure that under no circumstances would I allow another person or situation to have any kind of power over me.
Emotional awareness through practicing mindfulness and meditation has lead me to challenge and intentionally unlearn many core beliefs including this idea that physical and mental toughness were more admirable qualities than any kind of vulnerability. It isn’t just my childhood that has contributed to this story; regardless of your geographic location or psychosocial history, many of us abide by this principle.
The idea that we need others to treat us with respect causes us a lot of suffering. We are quick to deliver a colorful comment or hand gesture when someone cuts us off on the parkway. How dare they? We lash out and do not respond well to criticism – or the absolute biggest offense - rejection. We spend a tremendous amount of energy trying to protect our ego.
This predicament perpetuates and even encourages a defensive position, unwilling to let ourselves be distracted even momentarily in fear of the possibility of attack on our delicate self-image. And we absolutely love relaying stories of the time we told so-and-so off. We get high on it.
Why do we do this? So that we do not appear “weak.” Weakness is a first-class offense because of the previously mentioned ideals we have absorbed through previous generations.
“Real strength is not in power, money, or weapons, but in deep, inner peace.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
The idea that any person on the planet does not have weaknesses is completely ludicrous and unrealistic. Working hard to cover up our soft spots will take our entire lifetime because at no point will they ever disappear completely. It can become exhausting and it’s nothing but fear of others seeing us in our psychological birthday suit. Imagine what we were really thinking and feeling was on display? Terrifying! We’ve all been conditioned to cover up anything we feel we may be judged for. It’s easy and second nature at this point. What about a new approach? Soften. Cry. Open up. Let yourself be vulnerable. Be human. This is true strength.
The idea is peace not perfection, right? If not, you’re reading the wrong blog. Get cut off. Let someone flip you the bird. Someone wants to insult your intellect and physical appearance? Go right ahead. Who cares? Some people don’t even realize when they are hurting others because they are too deep into their own pain and delusions. It’s important to remember that anyone that is at peace with themselves does not intentionally hurt others.
Working yourself up over anything is the opposite of experiencing peace. The negative emotions you generate in these situations – jealousy, hatred, anger, etc., are hindrances to the equanimity you desire. Let them be, they will pass. Being able to withstand these feeling states without getting tangled up in them is more of a testament to your character than your ability to “get even.” I am in no way encouraging you to endure abuse, but next time you want to have an aggressive response to an attack on your ego, observe this pattern that you fall into so easily and consider a new approach. Lighten up, life’s not that serious and you’re not that big of a deal. None of us are.
Oh, one last thing – I’m still working on that smart mouth.
by Cina Hoey | Jan 15, 2017 | Blog
Mindfulness and meditation seem to be “in” lately. Everyone’s doing it – celebrities, athletes and sports teams, schools and universities, and well-known corporations. So, you may ask, “What’s in it for me?”
I am not the biggest fan of the word “should.” Anytime someone tells me I should do this or that – I feel that what I am doing right now is not enough. So I won’t tell you that you should or should not incorporate this practice into your life, however, I will provide you with information so you may decide if this is something that may benefit you.
Mindfulness is described as:
paying deliberate attention to the present moment
non-judgmental moment-to-moment awareness
an effort to remain present
openness, curiosity, & noticing
Meditation is where we practice these skills of awareness and concentration by sitting quietly and focusing on one mental object for any length of time – usually the breath. We soon realize that our minds are like disobedient puppies. We are trying to focus on one thing or another and then – squirrel! – and we go chasing that furry mess of entertainment for as long as we allow it to captivate us. We are conditioned to operate on auto-pilot so that our minds may be free to run wild. We eat our breakfast while driving to work and listening to music and we scroll through social media at red lights. We make dinner for our family, talk on the telephone, reprimand Johnny for leaving his cleats by the door (again), and make mental notes all the while of what we still have to do that day.
Our minds are powerful. Creative. Fascinating. We come up with delicious fantasies about what we will do, say, wear, and feel in the future and we ruminate on what has already happened. So you might be thinking – yes, I do all of that, I am VERY busy, and I barely have time to read this article, let alone incorporate something else like meditation into my life. That is up to you. I will make absolutely no promises, by the way, that meditation is some panacea. A cure-all for stress and everything suddenly becomes sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows. Quite the opposite.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”
Henry David Thoreau
It will, however, expose your deepest fears, desires, motivations, and dreams. It will bring you clarity of your internal environment and provide just a little more space for you to create the habits and mindset that you want. You will form a new relationship to yourself and others. It will show you parts of yourself you don’t love, but it will hold your hand through the process of deconstructing your neuroses and the distress that arises from seeing yourself and others so clearly.
We do not have to be at the mercy of our wild minds. We can learn to be happy and peaceful in the midst of chaos, loss, and change. Stress doesn’t have to weigh us down and act as an energy vampire, nor do we have to accept certain thoughts about who we think we are. This is your life and you were blessed with a beautiful mind. Get to know it. The core beliefs you possess about yourself, your life, and the way things should be become the lens with which you experience the world around you. If you’re ready – take a closer look.
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