The 2nd Thing to Give up to Stop Binge and Emotional Eating is trying to make up for your binges.
This is part two of the 11 steps to stop binge eating (check out part one here if you haven’t already!)
I’m going to talk about the three most common ways my clients try to compensate or make up for their binges, why these are not effective methods of weight management, and how they perpetuate the cycle of bingeing.
1-Skipping Meals
This is definitely the most common! How many times have you tried to skip breakfast because you overate the night before? Attempted to survive on iced coffee until 4pm? Swore off carbs, or decided that you might just cut out eating completely for today? Maybe you told yourself you were “fasting.”
If any of this sounds familiar, you may want to check in with yourself about this. I know it’s tempting because you are terrified of weight gain, but if you read my previous article in this series you’ll know that restriction of any kind sends you right into a binge.
And yes, for those of you wondering this absolutely includes anything that resembles intermittent fasting. This is also too restrictive as you heal your relationship with your hunger, food, and your body.
Want to STOP bingeing for good? Instead of trying to skip meals, cut out fat, carbs, or calories, just wait until your natural hunger surfaces again and eat a regular meal!
2-Overexercising
After a binge you may try to “make up for it” with exercise. My personal brand of undoing a binge included hours on the StairMaster, extra runs, and often working out 7 days a week.
This will distort your relationship with exercise because working out is a privilege, not a punishment, AND this approach will leave you exhausted and extra hungry (kind of like having PMS all the time – yikes😩). What do you do when you’re tired, cranky, and extra hungry? That’s right babe – you’ll be bingeing again in no time.
Instead of overexercising post-binge, give your body rest so it can repair and regain balance as soon as possible. In the same way you wait to eat again when you’re naturally hungry, wait until your body is ready for movement and be gentle with it and do something you enjoy. This will help you break the binge cycle for good.
3-Purging
Many people believe that purging (vomiting), after a meal will basically just get rid of it and it’ll be like it never happened. The physical and emotional consequences of repeatedly purging can be severe – destroying your dental health, vocal cords, and digestive tract, cause dehydration, low blood pressure, uncontrollable mood swings, anxiety, depression, and more – but one of the absolute worst side effects is that it perpetuates the binge cycle because you are not getting enough calories or nutrients.
Purging is tempting after eating a whole carton of ice cream, I know, but the consequences are simply not worth it. Instead of skipping meals, overexercising, or purging, try practicing mindfulness, working with a skilled therapist, or other stress reduction techniques to deal with the fear and emotional discomfort that surfaces after a binge.
If you’ve learned anything in this post, I hope it is that your goal now is not to undo that last particular binge, it’s to start changing your behaviors to break the entire cycle for good.
I know that fear that surfaces after a binge, I know it with every cell of my body and the urge to undo it is just as strong as the urge to eat in the first place. But if you truly want to break up with binge eating forever, drop the post-binge restriction, over exercising, or purging. Your body and mind will thank you and you will be on your way to a healthy, balanced relationship with food.
The #1 Thing to Give Up if You’re Ready to Stop Binge Eating…
Here is the ultimate list of what NOT to do, or what you must finally let go of, if you are ready to stop binge eating. This is a series that will include a total of 11 posts, so be sure to tune in for all of the tips!
Restrictive dieting is without question the #1 thing you must stop doing in order to stop binge eating! Not convinced? What if I told you that dieting is said to be the #1 cause of weight gain?
WHAT?! You might be outraged right now. Good. Keep reading…
First, let me clarify what I consider “dieting.” Dieting is any form of restricting your caloric intake, or the types of foods you eat, in order to lose weight. Here are some examples:
Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Optavia, South Beach, Zone, Cabbage Soup Diet (EW – literally WTF?)
And yes also ones considered to be “lifestyle” changes like…
Whole 30, Paleo, Vegan, Keto, Raw Food
…can also be quite restrictive when we are healing from eating disorder behavior and I would consider them to be detrimental to truly healing your relationship with food and your body for the long haul. Do they work for many people? Absolutely. Are they right for you as you recover from binge and emotional eating? Probably not. I’ll expand this point further in a later article in this series.
And most definitely under the category of dieting are:
Counting points, counting calories, counting macronutrients, intermittent fasting (hint: I’ll talk a lot more about this too in a later article in this series!), and juice cleanses.
The main problem is that these diets, food rules, or sets of guidelines and rigid styles of eating are what distort our relationship with food to begin with and ultimately lead to binge eating.
We are taught by the diet industry to be afraid of food and that we can’t trust ourselves to make our own food choices, so we are given a prescription to follow (a diet), which inevitably fails (99% of diets do) and then we are left with shame, frustration, and the overwhelming desire to consume all of the snacks that were “off-limits” while we were dieting.
Then once we inevitably gain weight, we go back to the source – a new diet! – thinking this diet will be the one. This will work. I’ll keep it off this time. Sure I can cut out pizza, bread, and chocolate for 3 months, no problem. Broken down, the cycle looks like this:
You “stick to the diet” for a while -> you become fed up and lose your precious control -> you overeat everything you’ve been restricting because you missed it so much -> you gain more weight -> you then seek another diet
Does this cycle sound familiar?! What are we doing to ourselves? Wake up, babe!
THIS. DOES. NOT. WORK.
I would know! I did this for a number of years myself. I put my faith in the “experts” to tell me what to eat, how much, at what times, in what ratios, etcetera. I suffered in this “on the wagon/off the wagon” merry go round for years before I realized that I wasn’t actually the problem. That’s right! It turns out I’m not an insatiable beast that can’t be trusted around food. I finally understood that I am only human. And when ANY of us restrict ourselves from eating foods that are satisfying and enjoyable, try too hard to “stay inside the lines” of a diet for too long, or eat less than what we need, our body and mind rebel against that by bingeing and overeating. Your body is so brilliant that it comes equipped with the ability to detect when you are not eating enough to ensure your own survival.
If you are on a diet, you are at risk for consuming less than what your body requires, mimicking starvation, and your intelligent body will let you know by sending you very powerful urges to eat.
This is a massive topic I could write a lot more about, and I expand on it deeply in my Binge to Balance Program, but for now just know that the bottom line is this: If you are under-eating, fighting off this life-saving mechanism will likely feel impossible.
The main message of this entire article is that if you are binge eating or eating emotionally, start here and ditch the diet.
You may be asking yourself, well if I’m not supposed to diet, Cina, then what the hell am I supposed to eat? I’ve got you covered, friend. Keep reading the rest of the posts in this series and your new relationship with food will begin to unfold.
I know this is scary. When I stopped dieting I was terrified. I thought I’d gain 40 lbs. just thinking about it. And my clients in my Binge to Balance Group Coaching Program usually freak out when I say this too (and later are completely in love with it). I promise I am not leading you down a free-for-all rabbit hole. Because not dieting doesn’t mean you “eat anything and everything you want.” Keep reading to understand more of what NOT to do so you can finally feel balanced with food.
As a holistic therapist, binge eating is something that I get asked about often.
Many women fear that they are binge eating when, in reality, it might be something else.
If this something you are worried about, this list can help you figure out if binge eating is an issue in your life.
Binge eating is not the same as emotional eating or overeating.
I am going to break down the differences between:
binge eating
emotional eating
overeating
Binge Eating
If you are binge eating, you will have recurring episodes that include:
Eating more quickly than normal
Eating until uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when you’re not physically hungry
Eating alone because you’d be embarrassed to eat like this in front of others
Feeling disgusted with yourself, depressed, and shame/guilt after overeating
Basically, bingeing is eating way more than you normally would in one sitting – secretly, quickly, and shamefully.
Binge eating is more than just overeating. It is excessive and it feels very out of control.
There are several reasons we binge eat but the most common two that I’ve seen in my work with countless women is that they are either:
– dieting or trying to lose weight OR
– eating emotionally, which turns into a binge
Another trademark of bingeing is that the binge eater will try to compensate for the binge in some way, most commonly through restrictive eating and dieting.
Sadly, this only fuels more binge eating! Round and round you go, stuck in a deeply painful cycle and thinking about food almost all the time, obsessively counting calories in your head, weighing yourself, and plotting your weight loss.
I would know – I was there myself for many years.
Emotional Eating
Emotional eating is basically your very innocent attempt at regulating your feelings.
What did you get after you left the doctor’s office when you were a little kid? A lollipop.
What did you do when you won your soccer game when you were 7? Went out for ice cream.
What do we do after a funeral? Have everyone get together for dinner.
And is anything really a celebration without a cake? There is food for all occasions and we are all deeply conditioned to eat emotionally.
This becomes problematic when any type of emotional distress:
stress
sadness
anger
jealousy
betrayal
loss
Those emotions can lead us to seek comfort from food rather than other healthy coping strategies, like mindfulness, connecting with friends, painting, talking to your therapist, etc.
For many of us, food feels like an old friend that is always there to give you an immediate rush of pleasure and temporary comfort.
Pleasure is a beautiful part of life, but if we seek it every time we are in pain, we will find ourselves eating emotionally and suffering consequences like weight gain, depression, isolation, and losing touch with the present moment.
Emotional eating differs from binge eating in the amount of food consumed and the way in which we eat. It’s not quite as cyclical in nature.
We also don’t always find a way to make up for eating emotionally, we usually just repeat it again the next time we are feeling out of balance. Although we might be very concerned with our eating, it is not quite as consuming as binge eating.
Overeating
The most common causes of overeating are:
we are not paying enough attention as we are eating
we waited too long to eat and now we’re famished and overdo it
we are really enjoying that particular meal and don’t want to stop even though we know we’ve had enough
we’re out to dinner/at an event and of course we’re getting appetizers, a meal, and dessert – it’s part of the experience!
Everyone overeats sometimes. As you’ve seen in the first two descriptions of binge and emotional eating, overeating is more about circumstance than it is about our body image, emotions, our overall relationship with food.
There’s no anxiety around food and if you’re a “normal eater,” you will simply wait until you are hungry again to eat your next meal.
You will not obsess over the amount of calories you just took in and try to skip upcoming meals, even if you are unhappy that you just ate too much. You’ll move on pretty quickly.
If you find yourself overeating at most meals, you are likely experiencing effects of restrictive dieting, not paying enough attention as you are eating, not satisfied by the foods you are choosing, and should check back in with yourself about your stress levels and if you are using food to cope and escape.
I hope you found this information helpful! If you want more information on how to stop binge and emotional eating, check out my mini-course on how to apply the principles of mindfulness to stop!
It’s easy to practice on the “good” days. Or even on the neutral days. Meditation, once part of your routine, is like brushing your teeth, getting dressed, or anything else that you do on a daily basis. But what about on one of those days? Not a bad hair day or when you’re feeling a little cranky. I mean when you’re in what I call the “deep, dark, scary place,” where depression, powerlessness, grief, vulnerability, shame, addiction, fear, or despair leave you feeling like life is a game you’re not very good at.
When we feel this way, we are more likely to skip out on meditation or self-care. Either we simply don’t have enough energy for it, or we don’t care enough. It’s not worth it. We’re not worth it. This is when we need this practice the most. Because, most often, what happens when we sit down and get quiet with ourselves and this (sometimes infuriating) game of life, we notice a few things:
1. Every thought, sensation, and emotion is temporary.
Our mind will be jumping from thing to thing so quick that you might actually forget what it was that you were distressed about in the first place (and then you’ll judge yourself for that). Nothing lasts forever. Not sadness, not happiness, not anger. All is in flux, so if you’re overwhelmed by a certain experience in this moment, just stay with it, because just like a subway train, a new one will come along any minute now.
2. We are capable of observing our mind and body from a safe distance, which allows us to depersonalize the content.
There’s a tremendous difference between being lost in thought and being aware that you are thinking. Sometimes just noticing that we are wrapped up in a thought pattern (usually one that leads to depression or anxiety) is enough to stop it in its tracks and allow us to come to a more open state of mind. When we are aware, we have the choice to dispassionately let go of thought processes that are not serving our highest good.
3. This deeper part of ourselves – awareness – isn’t afraid, anxious, or sad, and it is within this level of consciousness that we can dwell and take refuge.
You are not your thoughts. The real you – the deepest, highest, truest you – is the one that is aware of thoughts. If you know you’re thinking, there absolutely has to be a higher part of yourself that is aware. You’re that. And that part of you is not afraid, sad, or angry. It’s just listening. Not judging. Open. Curious. Observing.
4. There’s something pretty damn comforting about feeling yourself breathing in and out.
Paying attention to the effortless rhythm of our breath reminds us at least something is working in our life, even if it seems like nothing else is. Mindfulness-based interventions teach that as long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you. Breathing is the most essential process of our entire life experience. Pay attention to the rhythm, the ebb and flow, allow yourself to just ride the waves of the breath. It’ll take you home.
This is such a radically different way of caring for yourself than what you’re probably used to. Maybe the thought of “self-care” seems alien to begin with, but generally we do our best to not feel anything negative. We gravitate more towards numbing ourselves with tv, mind-altering substances, food, sex, etc. than responding to pain with presence. One of my favorite techniques I learned from Tara Brach is silently saying to myself, “and now this…” as a way of accepting what’s happening in the present moment without resistance.
Put your inner skills to work! Strengthen them by practicing every day so that you might be more relaxed in traffic, pause before that 3rd glass of wine, or snap on your partner. But mostly, practice so that when the shit really hits the fan, looking within for strength seems like the most natural thing in the world. Practice so that you trust with your whole heart that you’ll come through this any moment now with your soul and sanity intact and with a little more wisdom than you had before.
If no one’s told you yet today, you’re doing okay. Breathe, feel, allow, and be. Who knows what the next moment will bring?
The poem below is always very comforting to me, perhaps someone else will find value in it. Sending anyone reading this post right now a lot of love. Trust yourself, you’ve got this.
The Guest House
By Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
“I am not what I think I am,
and I am not what you think I am.
I am what I think you think I am.”
– Charles Horton Cooley
This quote really hit me when I came across it a few weeks ago (via the amazing Jay Shetty). Much of our incessant stream of thought is about what others might be thinking… about us.
How often do you choose what you’re wearing, what you say, the pictures you post, the places you go, the partners you pursue, or some type of achievement because of what you would like others to think of you? How someone views us is really a reflection of their personal experiences and past conditioning, which dictates the way they see the world – including you. When you think about it this way, it’s silly to form ideas about yourself based on another’s perception. I think all of us on some level know we have absolutely no control over someone else’s judgment, yet we still try so damn hard to impress each other.
Maybe I’m alone in this, but I seriously doubt it. After many years of disordered eating, I gave up restrictive dieting and gained some weight back. Naturally, thoughts about what those who knew me when I was very thin would think and say were, and often still are, relentless. Without a strong mindfulness practice, namely the ability to observe thoughts without identifying with them, I would still be in a constant anxious and fearful state of mind.
This is exactly how we create our own mental prisons. We hold ourselves to extreme standards in order to feel significant in some way so that we can label ourselves, and hope that others might see as well, that we are smart, funny, hard-working, high-achieving, attractive, or worthy. We want to feel worthy of the good opinions of others. This is completely innocent and even natural to our species, yet I think it takes away from our authenticity, and we cause ourselves a lot of anxiety, depression, and unnecessary stress.
There is no peace in the pursuit of perfection, there is only fear, which is just another word for anxiety.
Are you striving to prove something about yourself? Maybe you don’t struggle with this at all. Maybe you are one of the few people that “don’t care what anyone thinks,” which I have a hard time believing. And for the rest of us normal people, we care a lot about what the world thinks, or at least a select few.
We must do our best to bring our attention to this process, and see how it keeps us stressed, striving to live up to an identity we think will make us feel satisfied and significant. If we can see that clearly, without the need to act on it, and if we can be more committed to living authentically, to loving ourselves and others because we are all in this together, we all might just be a little, or a lot, happier.
May we all remember that we are enough as we are, and that there is a deeper part of ourselves that cannot be damaged or labeled in any conventional way. The essence of who we are is truly perfect.
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